Thursday, April 7, 2011


Every year, my friends Hank and Katherine send out a survey to their friends. They have, of course, been doing this since the days when people did such things and swore they would never stop. So I get this survey in my inbox every February, and it's kinda sweet. Like getting a five dollar bill in the mail from your grandmother. Anyway, the results are in!

To the polls!

1. Your favorite Christmas present: I'm sure it was awesome, but it's April now. I honestly can't remember.

2. Twothousandeleven or Twenty Eleven or...? I'm just going to start calling this year Nineteen Eighty One. Rolls off the tongue a little better.

3. What do you want from Hank and Katherine? I want you to help me figure out Twitter. Like, what it's for and why people have it and what I'm supposed to do with it. (I just had to set up a Twitter account today for work and I'm all like "wah?")

4. When was the last time you screamed? Yesterday when Bryan told me Odessa's been saying "Oh My God!" when playing with her dollies. And I screamed "Oh My God!"

5. Lamest super power: I love Jem, but is being truly truly truly outrageous actually very useful? I'd argue not.

6. What do you want us to do with your body when you die? Just nothing weird. Also, the fewer people who see me dead, the better.

7. If my best friend Harry has a brother Larry who (five days from now) is getting married, why am *I* going to be the best man? Because you're also really good friends with Larry? That's all the thought you get out of me regarding that question. Next time I meet that question on the street I'm going to pretend I never met it before.

8. 3D movies are here to stay. How does this make you feel? I'm not sure. I saw Up in 3D and I was neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed by the experience. It didn't whelm me at all, actually.

9. Book or Television show recommendations: Parks and Recreation is super funny this season. I also just wasted an entire weekend watching 2 seasons of a show called Party Down, and I harbor not one single regret. I'm reading a really great novel called The Book Thief right now. It's about Nazi Germany and it's funnier than you might think.

10. Which country would you most like to see naked? Am I the one who's naked? In that case, someplace warm and in the Pacific. If the country is gonna be naked: Norway because of the Fjords.

11. What was your favorite toy as a child? Where is it now? I had this totally awesome RV with lots of little tiny Barbies that went inside--each one of them had a little Japanese capsule hotel room of its very own. AND THE OUTFITS!! Oh, the outfits. Anyway, I used to make little tiki huts for the mini Barbies out in the back yard. When we moved back to Georgia from California in 4th grade, my dad stayed behind and packed up all my stuff. He gave my mini Barbies and their RV to a girl named Margie. I haven't forgiven him.

12. Would you rather your life be simpler or more interesting? Do you think you can have both? I think you'd have to be pretty careful if you were going to have them both at the same time. I find that generally life is simple for a while until simple becomes boring and then you have to make it interesting until it becomes overwhelming and so you put your energy into making it simple again. It's a positive feedback loop.

13. Favorite Karaoke Song? Secondhand News, Fleetwood Mac

14. Are you totally freaked out by North Korea? Nope.

15. What's the best idea you've ever had? Okay, you ready? Mind you, this was back when Twilight fever was sweeping the nation, but I wanted to patent zinc oxide sunscreen with glitter in it. I could have made hundreds, maybe THOUSANDS of dollars.

16. What's the most important thing that happened to you this year? We spent our entire savings on cars and car repair? I dunno--that seems significant.

17. What's wrong with the world? I disagree with the question.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Snuggle Fever

So, there I was lying in bed, reading about Jew-hiders in Nazi Germany, when I felt like something was wrong. You know, other than Nazis. So, I looked in at Odessa, and she was fine, and then I walked into the living room and realized the pipe to the wood stove was on fire on the inside. So I damped down the stove and am now under strict orders from Bryan to watch it until the fire goes out or until I realize the roof is on fire or until he gets back from tutoring somebody in statistics.

Anyway, I have some time on my hands.

So, the whole family has been sick recently. Bryan started it, Odessa kindly took over for him, and now I'm feeling super puny. But you know what? I am somebody's mom, so I'm technically not allowed to feel sick. I am, however, allowed to take two Advil and warm up a bag of Trader Joe's fried rice for supper, which I did, and nobody complained about it. Except Odessa, but she complains about everything.

The past few days have made me realize that illness makes people super cuddly. Even though Odessa was feverish and snotty this weekend, and though I fretted over her feeling so bad, deep down I was like, YES! Because all she wanted was to snuggle up on her mama, and whenever I would get up to refill her water bottle or pee or something, she would sort of weakly hold her arms up to me and whimper "Mama?" And honestly, I was like "Bring it on, little baby! Do your worst!" Which, of course, she did.

Yesterday I stayed home from work because all my skin hurt and my back ached and my eyes were glassy and my head felt like it had a wet washcloth inside it. And sort of toward the end of the day, my dad came to bring Bryan the rototiller, and he got out of the truck, and my first instinct was to hold my arms up and whimper at him. Because there's something about being sick that makes you need to feed on somebody else's life force, but it really helps if that person's your mom or dad. I've been trying today to feed on Bryan's life force, and he's having none of it--he hasn't given up the first ounce of life force. Maybe because Odessa took it all.

But it's kind of nice, in a way, to know that no matter how big or contemptuous or married Odessa gets, when she's sick, she's always going to want to snuggle her mom.

Okay, ya'll. I got to go to bed. The house hasn't burnt yet and Bryan's home and has lowered the threat level to Yellow. Phew!