I haven't been able to explain the way I feel today UNTIL NOW.
Because I'm feeling weird, you guys. It's been raining for days and days and days, and this morning I woke up and the fog was burning off, and the sun shone like woah-really-shiny and it started to be 60 degrees.... I felt great. Until like 11:00, when all of a sudden I wanted a gun. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do with it, but I reckon it involved shooting it at something.
Let me explain what overcame me, because it's a pretty specific mixture of two sorts of feelings:
1. It was kind of like when you are traveling someplace you've always wanted to go and all of a sudden the jet lag or something kicks in, and the sky is still blue and fabulous and Italian or whatever, but suddenly it seems kind of fathomless. And at that moment, you're an astronaut floating in black, black space and the only thing connecting you to Earth is the spaceship, and you're only attached to that by this one thin, white cord. I guess you can call this feeling homesickness, but it's really sort of more than that. Obviously.
2. Anyway, I had that feeling mixed with this other feeling--one that was inexplicably similar to the rage I felt once in college when this boy I liked invited me to go snowboarding for the weekend, but what he really wanted was to make out with this girl I was only sort of friends with, but he felt uncomfortable asking her to go with him alone, so he invited me to come as a decoy. Anyway, they canoodled all weekend while I hated them so hard. This feeling has more of a hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-woman-scorned flavor.
And now you're like, Jesslyn, what haaaappened, honey? And this is the embarrassing part where I have to admit that all these very specific sorts of feelings were apropos of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Everything's fine--and not like when Audrey says it and she's not actually fine at all (Happy Birthday, Stringbean! I seriously love you!).
So, I listened to some soothing music, but couldn't find anything to listen to that didn't make me want to take a bite out of the side of my ceramic mug. I took a walk, which usually helps, but it didn't help. Then I went to Dairy Queen by myself in the middle of January, but no dice.
Then this came across my desk, as it were: A Coronal Mass Ejection!
Oooohhhhhhh! The radiation from a huge solar flare hit Earth at 11:00 today! NO WONDER! This has absolutely nothing to do with my menstrual cycle.
Nothing to see here, folks!