Do you know what I feel like? I feel like I just woke up from the longest nap in history. I haven't looked in the mirror recently, but I imagine I probably have a really long, white beard and there's a cute pair of hedge sparrows nesting in my hair.
So vacation is over and I had to go back to work this week. And the number of naps I took over Christmas vacation? It was shocking. And you want to know where I took all these naps? ON MY NEW MATTRESS. I say it's my new mattress because although I technically share it with Bryan and sometimes Odessa, it's mine. It's my soul mate and every time I get out of bed, me and Mattress embrace passionately as if for the last time. It's pretty intense.
My mom and Bryan's mom and my bank account got together over Christmas and made all my dreams come true: they got me a new bed. Because the old bed? It was horseshit. With the old bed, about once a week I used to wake up in the middle of the night and stumble into the living room to sleep on the couch. That's how bad it was. Let's never speak of it again.
Anyway, other than napping like it was my job, my holiday was transcendental and sublime. But I missed you! How have you been? Tell me everything.