I don't know if I told you about this or not, but Odessa's a little bit deaf. Not stone deaf, but deaf enough for my tastes. She was probably born like that, but we didn't really realize she couldn't hear everything until she was old enough to start talking. Because while she had the compulsion to talk, her vocalizations sounded like those of a human child being raised by a family of wild turkeys.
So, last fall we took her to a speech
therapist who told us to get her hearing tested, which we did. And the
hearing test people were like, uh, I don't think her hearing thingies are working? So you need to go to this other, more expensive place.
And then we went there and they anesthetized her and put electrodes all
over her head and read her brains with a computer for an hour and a half, and when they were
done they came out and said, yeah, I think her hearing thingies aren't working.
now, after five months of audiology clinics, doctors' offices,
hospitals, speech therapists, insurance companies, pharmacies, and
parent-teacher conferences, Dessa is now the highly skeptical owner of
two purple hearing aids. And I would like to publicly thank her for
taking it like a motherfucking boss.
After she woke up this morning, I was like, Okay, Sweet Strudel of My Dreams! It's time to put in your hearing aids!
And she leveled this look at me, which was basically just The Bird,
except with her eyes instead of her middle finger. And then I was like, They're earrings!
Her (translated for your convenience): My Mommy earrings?
Me: No, they're Dessa's earrings!
Her: Mommy earrings.
Me: You want mommy to wear earrings, too?
Me: You want to pick out some earrings for me?
So we went into the bathroom and she didn't even look at the earrings, but to the shelf above, where all the nail polish lives.
Her: Dessa has orange pingernails?
Me: You have to put these earrings in first.
Her: Orange pingernails.
Me: Earrings then breakfast then orange fingernails.
At this point she paused for a few seconds and then nodded in a way that would make Don Corleone uncomfortable.
That was today. We'll see how tomorrow goes.
P.S. I'd also like to publicly thank myself for taking this like a motherfucking boss.