Creepy

Everyone's got their own Halloween costume style. For instance, Bryan always uses a whole roll of aluminum foil in his costume. Hank and Katherine's costumes are generally awesome because they rent them. Genevieve is the sexy version of the thing she's dressed up as. Jane is the cute version of the thing she's dressed up as. Catherine Meeks is usually the Morton Salt girl. I'm usually myself but with some cotton batting on my head (I'm a cloud) or dressed up as an overweight man in khakis (I'm a Promise Keeper).

Halloween has always sort of disappointed me. I think it started in 1986, when I began thinking about my Halloween costume in July, after watching The Neverending Story at summer camp. You know what the scariest thing about the Neverending Story is? No, not the wolf with too many teeth, or the Nothing, or the Swamps of Sadness. The scariest thing in the whole movie is the Childlike Empress:

Isn't she terrifying? She's even scarier in live action:

You okay? Take as long as you need.

Anyway, that year, I decided I was going to be the Childlike Empress for Halloween because she was the very scariest thing I could think of. So, I started trying to get my dad to help me put together my costume, but he didn't take it very seriously. He kept saying "So, let me get this straight--you want to be a ghost?" NO! I want to be a creepy child queen with a pearl diadem and a lot of eye makeup and frosted lip glooooooooooss!

My dad talked to my mom, who was living across the country at the time. I don't know what they talked about, but she sent me a card about a week before Halloween that had a blue Care Bear on the front, and inside she had drawn a picture of a "fashionable ghost" with flowery parachute pants and lots of jewelry and makeup on. I saw that picture, and I knew all was lost. I went to school on Halloween with a sheet over my head with 2 holes cut out for eyes. That's what you get when you're a 3rd grade girl living with your dad.

So, ever since that Halloween, I have known that your Halloween costume simply can't be what you imagine it. And what's the point of wearing a costume if it can't be awesome in the way you think it should be?

But in case you were interested, Odessa is going to be Bob's Big Boy.

I swear I'll try to understand and facilitate her exact Halloween Vision when she tries to explain it to me when she's 8. But until then: hahahahahahaahah! HA!