Tuesday, October 6, 2009

On being a lady

I think I'm a pretty average sort of lady, into sort of average lady things. For instance, here are some of my interests:
  • Babies
  • Sparkling water
  • Pride and Prejudice
  • yoga
  • Long talks with other ladies
  • Butter cream frosting
  • Expensive haircuts
  • Being admired
Flaming lady.

However, because I'm a pretty average sort of lady, I am a perfect candidate for having my Ladyhood shoved up my nose to distract me while my purse is rifled though and $9 is extracted from my wallet. This is called a Romantic Comedy, and unfortunately, if you like Lady Stuff and you like movies, you end up seeing a lot of these. Romantic Comedies, unlike Lady-Targeted Period Pieces (which I'll get to in a minute), are basically a 112 minute advertisement for things like Diet Coke, The Gym, J. Crew, Makeup, and Hawaii. The point is partly to take your $9, but ALSO to take your self confidence (imagine your keys) and chuck it far, far out into a bluish, crystalline tropical sea. And then they smile at you and say, "Well shoot, Girl! That's going to be a bitch to get back. Luckily, we happen to know about some products that can help..."

The Lady-Targeted Period Piece is a little different, and not quite as lucrative, so they don't make quite so many of them. Basically, there's always a unbearably gorgeous man with a surprisingly updated haircut and eyes like a dairy cow's, wearing a top hat and breeches. He can't live without the heroine, etc etc, and you usually leave the movie feeling wistful, harboring a vague notion that Kiera Knightly is a complete hag.

Anyway, my point is this: I went to the movies this weekend, and was pleasantly surprised to find myself walking out of the theater feeling...well, really good. Like it was fine that I was wearing yoga pants and a button down shirt that fit me before I started lactating, but now, not so much. It made me feel kind of...cool, I think.

So, go see Whip It before Matthew McConaughey finds out women are feeling good about themselves and they shut the thing down.


  1. Just one thing...Matthew McConaughey is bad for men's self image too. That man needs to stop taking his shirt off so much... also...have you heard the rumor that he can't stand up without help? Proof: http://www.robbloom.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/original.jpg

  2. Oh wow, Hank--I think you've got something there.... Maybe he's like one of those chickens who are genetically engineered to have breasts so big they can't move.

  3. this is your funniest post. i will send you some funny internet things.