Thursday, November 5, 2009


I eat too many beans, you guys. Some of you know this about me. In fact one of you--you know who you are--came to visit me once and brought a case of beef jerky because, I found out later, you were afraid that another weeklong visit to my house would permanently damage your small intestine.

I woke up one morning when I was 13 and decided that since I was practically a full-grown woman, I could make my own dietary decisions. So I stopped eating meat, cold turkey, on Thanksgiving. (See what I did there? zing!) Virginia was furious, which made it all worth it.

Since then, beans have been the reason I'm alive: they are my coworkers, colleagues, family and friends. This morning I woke up and went to work and microwaved an Amy's bean burrito. I eat one of these pretty much every morning. Why? Because I detest breakfast food and I love beans. So, for lunch, I went to Barberitos and got black bean nachos with cucumbers. For dinner, I had chickpea Indian stew. Right now I feel a rumbling twang low in my guts. Earlier today I thought it might have been my ovary because, you know, ovaries have feelings too. But no--it's my colon I think. And I think it's because of the beans.

So, because you're such good haiku writers (seriously, you guys? This morning I snorted a loose tea leaf up my nose because I was laughing so hard) I will write you a haiku about beans. Here it goes:

Beans are black or brown
And they make the world go round
My intestines hurt

Also, do you think I could give a quick shout out? Okay, I will.

My friend Claire has a wonderful band that I love. It's called Hope For Agoldensummer. Anyway, they have a new live album that just came out today. They do a really great cover of "The Only Living Boy in New York," which is one of my favorite songs. You can listen to it here:

Wish my digestion luck. Maybe I should try some toast or something tomorrow morning.


  1. I thought I was the only one with such a penchant for eating beans! Phew, what a relief. Incidentally, I went veg (cold turkey) on Thanksgiving, as well. I wonder what it is about that holiday...

  2. you people and your beans! i will never understand the desire to eat a bean. (i'm vegetarian too, but don't like me no beans, yuck!).