Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Plague

So, The Plague has stopped by for a nice visit this weekend.

"Really great to see you, The Plague! What's it been--A couple months? Oh, your friend you thought you were going to stay with ended up going out of town this weekend, and you need a place to crash? Well, we've got a lot going---what's that? Your grandmother died last week and you're in town for the memorial service, and you need a place to stay just for one night? And you promise to bring your own sheets? Well, I guess if it--
you're welcome."

It all started with Odessa: sweet, guileless, smiling little flower of my heart. She woke up Thursday morning with the sniffles and by Friday night, she was practically drowning in snot. Nursing her was like watching a freshman Math major do a keg stand at a frat party he wasn't invited to. And do you guys know about The Aspirator? (See unlabeled Exhibit A above, which will remain unlabeled because I can't figure out how to label it.) You were definitely aspirated when you were a baby and you hated the sweet cream filling out of it, because just the thought of someone aspirating me makes me want to squeeze my eyes closed and pinch my nostrils shut and shake my head back and forth really hard. Don't get me wrong, Odessa looooooves the aspirator as a bath toy, but not as an implement of torture. To aspirate a baby, you prod this rubber bulb thing up her teeny little nostril and suction out all the toxic mucus and potentially her still soft and coalesing brains.

So, Odessa got it first and gave it to her stay-at-home martyr Daddy, who fell like a ton of bricks on Friday evening, but nevertheless went down to the coast to ride around the marsh in a power boat in search of rare orchids while snuffling around with his man cold. Our dear friend Ben was with him and now believes himself to have the pleurisy. Honestly, dudes. Are you men, or are you mice?

And I was the last of my people still standing until tonight. My eyes are all itchy and I can't swallow right. I'm not terribly surprised since Odessa did manage to lick the inside of my mouth about 7 times this weekend. I wish Zicam wasn't recalled by the FDA, because I'd be hitting that nasal swab so hard right now. Don't get me started on Zicam.

Stay healthy, friends!

1 comment:

  1. What about Zicam tablets? So sorry you guys are sick. Really, really not looking forward to aspirator torture...