Saturday, December 10, 2011

Poncho and Vesty

You see what I'm doing here? It's a pretty simple discomfort avoidance technique in which I replace a high-priority action with a low-priority task. Because today, my babies, I am supposed to be writing about plant cell biology. And Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Bless'd Donkey, you guys--it's no wonder nobody likes plants. I mean, I used to like plants until this morning when I discovered they're terrible. It's been a real blow to the old psyche, actually: like if I met Paul Newman and discovered he was really boring. In a few weeks I'll have to write about animal cells and start hating animals. I'll be a regular old misomanic you guys! Get ready.

So instead of reading about tonoplast and the rough endoplasmic reticulum, I was thinking I'd tell you about Bryan's idea for a mall kiosk.

So, Bryan really loves coming up with ridiculous ideas and because he's had so much practice, he's really good at it. One of my favorites came out of this one time around Christmas when he spent a day at at the Mall of Georgia with our friend Ricky and his parents, Big Rick and Mildred Ann. The Mall of Georgia is humongous and exactly the place Bryan doesn't ever want to be, because what if he were to die in there and his last minutes were spent on the threshold of an Abercrombie and Fitch?

At any rate, Bryan never goes in malls, but he came back from this trip a changed man. When he got home, he was like, "Did you know there are all these little kiosks in malls now? Like little booths where you can buy covers for your cell phone? Anyway, I'm going to open a mall kiosk where people can buy vests and ponchos. It's going to be called Poncho and Vesty."

Let it be known that this was several years ago, before the poncho craze swept the nation (people were more into blazers back then), and for some reason, I found the idea of Poncho and Vesty so hilarious that it really encouraged him. And sometimes when he doesn't have anything better to do, he goes online and researches merchandise he'll stock at Poncho and Vesty. He was doing that the other night while I was writing an article about vestigial human organs. And I think he's looking to go in this general direction:

And I was like, "Damn babe, that's like more of a cape, or like a traveler's cloak or something, don't you think? And it's, uh...$408 wholesale."

Bryan: Well yeah. See Poncho and Vesty's main clientele are going to be SCA guys suiting up for a week-long tactical campaign.

Me: Ohhhh. I didn't get that before.

Bryan: Can I get you a cape for Christmas?

Me: No.

Bryan: What about just a little one?

Me: Nope.


  1. oh man, i love this post and you! thanks for making me laugh :)

  2.'re a genius. Do NOT let Jesslyn talk you out of this one. Sell those "batman" suits that crazy people wear to jump off mountains with parachute on, bullet proof camo vests for your hunting pleasure, kids vests with GPS units to keep track of kids and teenagers. I've got $40.00 to help with the start-up...

  3. sweet weepin' jesus!


    the best poncho ad I could find.