This morning I've been having a hard time getting started writing about the Great Pacific Trash Vortex, so I moseyed on over to Llewellyn.com's incredible computerized gypsy and was like, "Sooooo, website. What's Life got in store for me today?" You know, just your basic Past-Present-Futre spread. Nothing fancy.
And, Lo! The Internet presented me with the following:
Past: Ace of Pentacles. You were given an amazing opportunity.
Present: The Empress. You are a goddamn paragon of womanhood. The fact that people don't ask your advice more often is a mystery.
Future: Eight of Pentacles. You're fixing to start killing it at life here in a minute.
Woah, thanks Inanimate Machine! I'll take it! Back to the trash vortex!
Oh, you don't have to thank me. Thank The Internet.
ONE DAY LATER...
Wait: on second thought, please do not have the computer read your tarot cards more than 5 times in a row. It will mess with your finely-calibrated handle on reality and lead you to conclusions like:
Past: You've spent your entire life like a baby kitten on LSD, cavorting in a field of flowers.
Present: You think you're so hot, right?
Future: Everybody's about to abandon you! You will never love again! Though your genitals may be touched from time to time, your life will be a cold, lonesome DOOM CAVE.
So, watch out for that. But otherwise, have fun!