Monday, May 21, 2012

Monday Morning Tip

Hello again.  You're obviously here because you have nothing better to do.  So let me give you a hot tip: when I'm bored or distracted, I compulsively have a computer read my tarot cards!  If that doesn't sound rewarding, that's because you're crazy.

This morning I've been having a hard time getting started writing about the Great Pacific Trash Vortex, so I moseyed on over to's incredible computerized gypsy and was like, "Sooooo, website.  What's Life got in store for me today?" You know, just your basic Past-Present-Futre spread.  Nothing fancy.

And, Lo!  The Internet presented me with the following:

Past: Ace of Pentacles.  You were given an amazing opportunity.  
Present: The Empress.  You are a goddamn paragon of womanhood. The fact that people don't ask your advice more often is a mystery.
Future: Eight of Pentacles.  You're fixing to start killing it at life here in a minute.

Woah, thanks Inanimate Machine!  I'll take it!  Back to the trash vortex!

Oh, you don't have to thank me.  Thank The Internet.


Wait: on second thought, please do not have the computer read your tarot cards more than 5 times in a row. It will mess with your finely-calibrated handle on reality and lead you to conclusions like:

Past: You've spent your entire life like a baby kitten on LSD, cavorting in a field of flowers.
Present: You think you're so hot, right?
Future: Everybody's about to abandon you! You will never love again! Though your genitals may be touched from time to time, your life will be a cold, lonesome DOOM CAVE.

So, watch out for that.  But otherwise, have fun!

1 comment:

  1. yes, YES!!! i love that website, i end up making big decisions that feel slightly less impulsive after consulting "the cards", such as quit my job even though i have tons of therapy/meds/planned parenthood visits(?)that need paying for.